Sara's Diary
by PHS Orchid
Summary: After running away, Sara needs to express her feelings and thoughts in some way. When she finds her old journals, she might just have also found a way to do so.
1. Chapter 1

**A new story!**

**Summary: Sara needs to express her feelings and thoughts in some way. When she finds her old journals, she might just have also found a way to do so.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**I just had an idea and put it on paper. Please let me know if you like it - if so, I'll have an extra boost to continue.**

**Enjoy!**

_Chapter one_

_How it started_

_Dear diary,_

_Gee, haven't I done this in a long, long time. The last time I remember writing in some kind of personal journal must have been about twenty years ago. That's the main reason I'm writing right know – because I found all of those old journals again. It was so much fun, reading my old scribbles.. about friends from back then, boyfriends, experiments – the good, the bad and the damn right stupid. Turns out I even used to cut pictures out of magazines sometimes from things I adored, like pieces of art, or marvelous quotes I just never wanted to forget. The quotes I still remembered, the notebooks I forgot._

_But__ here I am now, sitting in my San Francisco apartment, looking down at the roads beneath me. If you would look at me, you would say I'm happy. In a certain way, I am. But my happiness is more like being content, than truly being happy. I know what's happiness like, and it's not what I'm feeling right now. _

_It hasn't been long, you know, since I've felt happiness. No.. I had a happy life about six months ago. Six months.. It seems so much longer. Oh, I forgot – you don't know what happened. Well, let's start at the beginning, shall we? It all started with a man called Gilbert Grissom.._

_When I was at __college, he gave a lecture once to one of my classes. He was this.. brilliant, intellectual man. Sparkling eyes, dark hair, masculine body – every girl's dream, I guess. But what intrigued __me__ most was his mind. So sharp, so keen, it seemed to contain all of the information hidden in the world, yet he didn't come across as a know-it-all. I think I developed a sensitive streak for him right then and there. And he for me, as it turned out. When I went to him after the lecture and asked him a few questions, I felt a spark between the two of us. I may have made more of it because I was a teenager, but the spark was definitely there! Anyway, a few years later he asked me for my expertise on a case. He was a forensic scientist, and I had become one as well by that time. I will never forget the way he smiled when I made the small joke about old Mrs. Roper.._

_I got offered a permanent job in Vegas, and I took it. I loved the people there, Nick and Warrick – who've become good friends over the past few years – and Catherine and Greg.. I miss them all so much! Grissom.. oh, Grissom.. _

_We flirted a bit the first few years, but we became more.. attached to each other. At one point I even asked him out, but he refused. We didn't speak to each other for weeks after that, I can remember. But the anger faded away, I guess, and we were right back in that place we had been in before me asking him out. Only this time, he didn't back out.. We got involved. And that was when I was truly happy. Seriously, I __have never ever been more happy than I was with Grissom._

_Long story, eh? Well, my life has never been easy or anything, so why should my diary be any different? I do have to say one thing. It's been a long time since I've felt this empty – in a good way. I've blurted everything out for the first time in years and it really does feel good. It think I could get used to this.._

_Love, Sara._


	2. Chapter 2

**See chapter one for disclaimer etc. **

**Mistakes in the spelling are mine. One of the disadvantages of having no beta.**

**I hope you like it and please let me know.**

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_Chapter 2_

_My new life has just begun_

With her hands in her pockets Sara walked down the roads of San Francisco. The sun was warm on this lovely afternoon. It caressed her chocolate-coloured hair and made it look like it was braided with strands of gold. She loved moments like these. She sighed, stood still and spun around, trying to burn this moment into her memory, as it looked perfect. With closed eyes she took a deep breath and then she was thrown onto the sidewalk when she got hit by a bike rider.

'Are you okay?' a warm woman's voice asked when she opened her eyes. Her head hurt a bit, and she felt she scratched her elbow, but she had no serious injuries. She looked at the woman who'd hit her and smiled.

'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'I'm so sorry, you were standing in the middle of the road and I just didn't see you.'

The woman looked very nice. She was Afro-American, with a big ponytail of curls coming out of the back of her head. Her figure was slim, but with all of the curves a black woman has. She wore a gym outfit. Her brown eyes were as intense as Sara's and she had big lips which now curled up in a loving smile.

'Really, it's okay.' She stated as she stood up and slapped the dirt from her jeans.

'Really? I feel quite bad.'

'Don't. I've been through worse than this.'

_Seriously – you have no idea._

'At least let me buy you coffee – to make this up to you!'

'No.. I kind of have a lot to do today..' Sara thought about it for a moment. She didn't really have any friends here in San Francisco and she could sure you one.. so she stopped her sentence and smiled.

'But on the other hand.. a quick cup wouldn't hurt anyone.'

'Good.' The woman smiled and held out her hand.

'Jill.' Sara shook it and answered her smile with one of her own.

'I'm Sara.'

'Hi Sara. Nice to meet you. You want to walk or hop on?' Sara raised a brow as Jill walked back to her bike, hopped on and pointed her thumb at her behind.

'Eh.. are you sure you can..?'

'Oh, come on, girl. I've had people twice your size on it. Go!' Sara sighed and sat on the back of the bike.

It was one hell of a ride. Jill drove like a maniac. She made very sharp curves at an incredible speed – even with Sara in the backseat, so to call it. When she stopped in front of a small, but cosy looking coffee shop, Sara couldn't help but laugh out loud. Jill arched a brow.

'What? You look like you've just heard the joke of the day.'

'S-sorry. I haven't done that in.. in a long time!' she choked out in between laughs, putting her hand on her belly.

_It goes as well for the bike ride as for laughing like this,_ she thought, and she grinned. Jill laughed as well.

'Okay then. I didn't know my driving was that hilarious. Let's get some coffee.'

They sat at the bar, talking about the usual stuff; who they were, where they came from, how they were in school, what kind of jobs they had, about their men..

Sara loved talking to Jill. Event though her calling Sara "girl" all of the time, she still liked it. She had a very natural thing about her that made Sara feel at ease. And that aside, the woman was about as funny as her driving. She often would throw a dryly comment into the conversation that would make Sara almost choke on her coffee. She almost forgot she also had to speak about things she really didn't want to when Jill asked the dreaded question.

'So, how about you love life? A pretty girl like you, I bet all the guys are dying to date you. Right?' She winked and sipped her mocha-latte. Sara looked down and seeing it, Jill frowned.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing..' Sara whispered. 'I just, err.. it's such a long story.' Jill looked at her watch and put a hand on Sara's shoulder.

'Well, I'm not due home until six. Spill it out, girl, I have got time.' Sara smiled again at her easy way of handling things and gave it a try.

'Well.. remember how I told you I used to be a Crime Scene Investigator?'

Jill nodded.

'And, remember I told you I moved here recently because of personal problems?'

Jill nodded again.

'Before those personal problems got so out of control, I was in love.'

'What happened?' Jill asked.

'Well, I loved this man for ages. He was always afraid for his feelings for me and he got out of it in time for us to get together. But I haven't had a nice childhood and that kept haunting me. When things got too bad, I couldn't stay, so I ran away. And doing so, I left him. I left the one man I ever truly loved..'

Her voice trailed away as she tried to blink away the tears that were forming in her eyes.

'Oh, honey..' Jill looked at her. Her brown eyes were warm and compassionate. 'You know what? I don't think _was _is the right term. You are still crazy over this man. What's his name?'

'Gil.' Sara sighed, shook her head and started staring out of the window.

'Is there any chance the two of you..?' Sara shook her head again, more forcefully this time.

'I don't think so. I left him just when we were about to get married. It was what he always feared, I know that. He never told me, but I knew anyway. He was always afraid that one day when he'd started to love me, I'd walk out on him. And I did. There's no way he'll let me back into his life now..'

Jill put a hand on Sara's knee and smiled at her.

'Well, if he loves you just as much as you love him, It won't be a problem at all. Does he love you?'

Sara smiled wearily and nodded.

'More than he wants to admit.'

'Than I predict that, by the end of the year, the two of you will be in each others arms. And never question my predictions, girl! My grandma was an old African medicine woman and she really could predict the future! She taught me and I can do it too!'

Sara couldn't help but laugh again. This woman was so strangely funny, it was amazing. No one but Gil could make her laugh like this and since he wasn't around, she really was thankful to have found Jill. She hoped the two of them could be closer friends..

'Hey, what'd you say we go out for drinks tomorrow night, huh? Girls night. Does that sound okay to you?' Sara thought about it.

'No hitting on men!'

'Girl, I'm married! What do you think of me?! Just for fun. Flirting is allowed, but no more than that. Just having a bit of fun, that's it. You're in?' Sara smiled and pulled her new friend into a hug.

'Okay, you're on!' She stated and held up her cup of coffee, which was almost empty by now, for a toast.

'To sweet beginnings and bitter endings.'

'Cheers!'

They drank with smiles on their faces and when Sara returned to her apartment, she noticed the sharp, dreadful feeling of loneliness was starting to get less. For the first time since she left Vegas, Sara felt a little sting of happiness….

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**Note: whoever figures out from which song and singer/group the line is that Sara uses as a toast, get's to name the next character. I'd say who the character it is, but it would ruin the suprise. That honour is just for the person who gets it right.. **

**So, let's see if you guys know your music **


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